As I have been organizing all my papers for scanning (more on the whole scanning project in my next post!) I ran across a journal entry I made in February 2016 which still strikes me as highly motivational and inspirational. So I thought I’d share it here.

Last night I had a dream that I looked in the mirror and was very pleased with what I saw. I had a lot of very shiny hair, it was sort of silver and very pretty. I’ve also been dreaming a lot lately about moving into new houses or apartments. I know my own personal dream symbols: this means it’s time for a change!

I started this year saying I would make a change, and even before that, when Russ got me that Marvel tee shirt for Christmas, I said my goal would be to lose enough weight to fit into it. I haven’t actually made any moves in that direction yet, but I feel like I’ve spent the last six weeks or so preparing mentally. And now I feel more prepared to actually do something!

(Note: Since February 2016, I HAVE lost enough weight to fit into that tee shirt and always wear it when we go to see a movie.)

There’s this phenomenon where you can KNOW something…yet even though you know it, you continue to act like you don’t know it. Or maybe it’s that you act like you don’t believe it?? Or maybe you don’t believe it’s important or significant enough…

I’ve spent a good many years knowing that if I keep going the way I’m going, I’m not going to end up where I want to be. The path I’m on does not lead to where I want to be. I’ve known for a long, long time I need to get off this path and get on to another path.

I guess maybe I’ve always felt there will be plenty of time to change paths. But you know what? Really…there’s not. Not anymore. And anyway, why would I WANT to wait? The sooner I begin to make these changes I know I need to make, the sooner I get to start being the person I hope to be.

Do I want to always be who I am now—fat and undisciplined? Lacking in personal health and person style and confidence? Or do I want to be better, more confident and more clear-headed than I am right now? What do I GAIN by waiting, by delaying? Nothing. And maybe I lose a lot.

Note: I’ve come a long way since I wrote those words in February 2016, but I still have so much further to go! But it’s encouraging to me that since I wrote those words, I seem to be closer to the path I want to be on, and in some ways, I’m even actually ON the path. That’s all I can really ask, to every day be getting closer and closer to what is true and good for me.

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